Filching the Frosh Facebook: Lessons From Battle-Tested Warriors.
Doug Geyser and I co-wrote a comedy column for the Stanford Daily in the winter of 2001. We basically mocked ourselves (look at the pictures to see) and everyone around us.
Our first column in the Stanford Daily tells the tale that every male upperclassman has known. 10/12/01
Your Life: the Backwards-Bending Curve of Doom.
With props to economics for teaching us this intelligent sounding term, we discuss why your life is pointless. This column prompted our first piece of hate mail. 10/19/01
To the Socially Inept: Will You Just Go Away?
Doug and I tackle social cues and how people ignore them. 10/26/0
Cash, Money, Hos.
The pinnacle of fame is measured by the ability to get these things. Will we ever be famous? Here's why not. 11/2/01
Personifying Subtlety.
How do guys check out girls? While men are profoundly unsubtle, women are incredibly stupid to miss these signals. 11/9/01
Stanford's Strip Club Genius.
There are times when a man transcends the mediocrity that plagues us all, rising to the forefront of academia with one innovative, simple concept. Sometimes that man is a professor of cardiology at the Stanford Medical School. We take this opportunity to applaud Professor Stertzer for his unorthodox ideas of funding research. This column also features Zach Gerson as a guest co-writer. 11/16/01
The Tools in Section.
To anyone who has ever participated in a discussion section, you have undoubtedly recognized the idiotic stereotypes that many students feel the need to play; think of the Guy Who Never Shuts Up, the Head Nodder, etc. Comments on this column included "I can't believe they let you put that in" and "it was good, but random as hell."
Bitter Rivals, Sweet Revenge.
With another breakthrough insight on how to improve the lives of all humanity, Doug and I address rivalries. 12/5/01
The Lifespan of a Bad Idea.
This was originally entitled "How is Arby's Still in Business?" The question we aim to answer here is this: how do bad ideas persist? Under normal conditions, they should be extinguished post-haste, according to Darwinian evolution--but some inexplicably persist. Why? 1/11/02
Doug is One of My Best Friends vs. I Hate Ramit so Much.
I had no idea that Doug felt this way. 1/18/02
Failing to Reinvent Yourself.
When you make the grand transition from high school to college, you will inevitably lie to present yourself in a brighter light. We aren't fooled. 1/25/02
Two Guys Say Goodbye.
In our final column, Doug and I take a retrospective look at our columns, the ideas we conceived but were too lazy to write about, and blatant, angry ranting. Delightful! 2/1/02
